


When We're Lying in the Dark

by stardustedknuckles



Series: What Beau Needs [1]
Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Dom/sub Undertones, F/F, Light Angst, Light Bondage, Porn with Feelings, beauyasha - Freeform, canon compliant before episode 108, emotions but make it porn, post-kamordah
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-11
Updated: 2020-09-11
Packaged: 2021-03-07 02:54:35
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,107
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26399749
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stardustedknuckles/pseuds/stardustedknuckles
Summary: It seemed as though Beau had finally let the hurt surrounding Kamordah and the witch's hut go. But when Vilya goes home, Yasha sees something crack in Beau's facade and knows she has to help somehow. Beau's not in the right headspace to ask for anything healthy, but Yasha's got her.
Relationships: Beauregard Lionett/Yasha
Series: What Beau Needs [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1924384
Comments: 14
Kudos: 282





	When We're Lying in the Dark

The thing about it is that nobody had really understood -- _Yasha_ hadn't really understood -- how much Beau had opened up until she shut again. It was almost frighteningly visible: the moment they had made the decision to travel to Kamordah, Beau closed off. She sat apart from the group and only spoke when spoken to -- with one or two words where it was possible.

They had no trouble understanding _why_ , after the witch's hut. Few among them had no experience drawing away from loved ones in preparation of a goodbye. It was the goodbye that confused them.

Whatever was going on in Beau's head, it was clear that Caleb understood. His presence seemed to have a calming effect on Beauregard, and for a long time after he followed her like a shadow. He didn't ask hard questions, just made it a point to do his usual things where she could see him at all times. When she snapped at him, he took it without comment. But he never left her sight.

But it nearly destroyed Yasha to try and comprehend. Didn't Beau _know_? To lose someone and never be able to see them again was the worst thing imaginable. To willingly separate from them while they were within reach was unthinkable. You hold on to things because you may one day lose them. This withdrawal from Beau was alien to her, and the pain she knew it must be causing her kept her up at night.

Then there was Rumblecusp, and the village of Vo, and Beau had seemed if nothing else to have stopped regressing. She treated them like a team again. The laughs came more easily, and the flirting with Yasha had been a welcome resurfacing. If she let herself indulge the idea, she could almost believe that Beau might have tagged along somehow with her own growth. Maybe they had taken that step forward together. Maybe she had helped.

And then Vilya left.

It wasn't clear to Yasha immediately why Beau's shoulders had steeled at Veth's recounting of events. Plenty of people had departed from the company of the nein without a proper goodbye, and they had as a group done the same to countless others. But there was no mistaking the return of Beau's defensive posture, nor the familiar glare that settled back like a mask over her face and refused entry to anyone. Yasha's heart sank just to see it.

But this time, Yasha had a purchase on Beau in a way she had not before. She had enjoyed getting to know the confident and vibrant character Beau had grown to be while she was gone. Veth had told her, privately and in no uncertain terms, how her absence had affected Jester and Beau in their own ways. Possibly she told those things to Yasha as an expression of her own hurt and distrust, but the words had found their desired mark and cut her deeply. Now, they combined with the events of the last several days to form a shot in the dark: if Beau was so affected by Yasha when she wasn't even trying, then it might be possible that Yasha could get through to Beau where nobody else could.

***************************

Yasha moved quietly through the jungle towards the clearing at the top of the hill where she was almost certain she would find Beau. It was the highest point within a mile of camp, assuming her gut was correct and Beau would not wander too far. The moon was bright enough that Beau had probably not even needed her goggles to navigate -- even Yasha's darkvision seemed somehow superfluous. Where it usually washed everything a dull gray, Yasha could see in shades of opaline blue and purple.

It took her less than twenty minutes to find Beau, sat next to a tree with her legs pulled up in front of her and looking out over the water. It didn't escape Yasha's notice that Beau was often just as likely to be in a tree as beside it.

Maybe, she thought, Beau had hoped on some level to be found.

"Hey," she said quietly, settling cross legged beside her. Their knees were a hairsbreadth apart; Yasha tried to swallow the disappointment when Beau made no move to close the distance.

Beau's eyes were closed, and she took a deep breath. "Hey," she said on the exhale. Yasha noticed the way the light pearled along Beau's neck and shoulders in the cool night air; she had been working out.

Yasha opened her mouth, closed it again. How to keep things going? Usually Beau was more than happy to take this over. She was direct and knew what she wanted. Yasha could use some help in that area.

Maybe she could play Beau's part.

"Something's bothering you." It only sounded a little like a question. Beau's eyes opened. Yasha waited, but Beau didn't respond further. "Vilya," she pressed.

"Vilya went home to her kid," Beau said flatly. "That's how it's supposed to go. I'm glad." She sounded bitter, which meant she was sincere.

A sincere Beau, and Yasha all alone to navigate it. "I…don't like seeing you sad," she said, which was true, but also something dangerously close to feelings and she wasn't yet sure how that was going to shake out.

Her heart sank a little as Beau's spine straightened and her mask of a smirk settled in place. "Sorry," she said. "I'll work on that." Her eyes flicked down in surprise when Yasha's hand gripped her bicep gently, reflexively. Yasha hesitated, but didn't remove it. Beau looked from Yasha's hand to her face and back. "We uh, having a moment here?"

If she wanted to go, she would leave. Yasha knew she could count on that, at least. But she was here, so she hadn't blown it quite yet. "I want to help," Yasha said finally.

Beau snorted softly through her nose and looked back out over the waters below. "Not sure it's the kind of thing anyone else can help."

Memories sprang unbidden to Yasha's mind. They didn't affect her quite as hard these days, but they were always waiting for the excuse to bubble up into her thoughts. "I know what you mean," she said quietly.

Beau's eyes were cold over that sardonic half-smile. "I doubt it." She closed her eyes and winced a little even as the words left her. "Sorry. That was a dick thing to say."

"No, it's okay," said Yasha. "I'm not sure if I can either. Just." she moved her knee that final centimeter so that it touched Beau's. "If there's something you're not asking for, for whatever reason…you can ask me and I'll do it if I can."

Beau glanced back at her. "Huh," she said. "Thanks." She tugged a thread of her pants absentmindedly, staring at their knees touching. She deftly wrapped the string around her finger, pulled. "Truth is," she said as it snapped, "this is usually the part where I go down to the nearest bar and find someone to fuck me out of my own head. The harder the better. But--" she waved dismissively down at the village. "Seems kinda like that's not really an option, so I figured I might as well try meditating."

Yasha's breathing had caught midway through Beau's explanation, and she struggled to keep her voice level. "Does it help?"

Beau raised an eyebrow. "The meditating? No, it's bullshit."

Yasha chuckled and was rewarded with a softening in Beau's expression. "The other thing," she said. "The…getting fucked."

Now Beau was really looking at her. Yasha forced herself to stare back. "You really want to know how to help?" Beau asked finally.

"More than anything."

"Hurt me."

Yasha blinked. "Like….sexually?"

"Sure, if you want. I won't ask for that from you but I won't say no. I just need pain that makes sense right now. Because all this shit, I can't get a grip on where it's coming from or how to fix it but if you would just hurt me, at least I could deal with it." Her eyes were ice chip blue, moonlight slipping inside the irises in shards.

Yasha's heart cracked with Beau's voice. She laid her fingers on Beau's knee. "I…Beau, I couldn't hurt you."

Beau shrugged away, hurt rolling into defensiveness quickly enough that Yasha could have blinked and missed it if she hadn't learned a long time ago not to blink. "Why?" Beau challenged. "Because you're still hung up this?" She pulled her shoulders back defiantly, fingers tracing the edge of the thick scar left by skin gorger those weeks ago.

Yasha knew it was meant to disarm her, but it still succeeded. Her eyes dropped. "A bit," she confessed.

Beau softened immediately. "M'sorry," she muttered, replacing her knee against Yasha's. "That wasn't to hurt you. Just…you're in knots about running me through with a sword, and I don't think it did half the damage you think it did."

Her words were saturated in the hurt she had tried to conceal from Yasha. They bled with it, filled rivers with it, yet Yasha still couldn't see its source. "I don't understand."

Beau sighed. "Look. I've been hurt a lot worse by people I like a lot less than you. And if we're being honest, you turning a blade on me is a feature of like. Half my fantasies. Maybe a third." She paused as though to count, and Yasha had a brief crisis as the thought of Beau fantasizing about her warred with her own guilt.

Beau shook her head quickly. "Point is, I don't give a shit about physical pain and I certainly don't give a shit that it was by your hands. Physical wounds just make me feel alive." She shrugged carelessly, but Yasha could see every line of her taut muscles in the light. "Stab me with a sword, I bleed." Her voice lowered, brittle. "But raise me up telling me that family ties are the most important in the world and then ship me off to monk school once my replacement is baking…what do I fucking do with that, Yash? How do I make that make sense?"

"I can't say for sure. So far I've gotten myself into fights I can't win and had bad dreams. I'm not sure that's working for me though."

"You've got godsdamned angel wings now, so something must have clicked."

"I suppose you're right."

Silence stretched for a moment, tense and comfortable in one. Beau seemed to be turning something over in her mind. "Thoughts?" she prompted Yasha finally.

Yasha's hesitation was minimal, born of an attempt to gather words rather than evade them. "I made the decision to take the opportunity I had been given and break the shackles."

"From Obann?"

"Him, but also the ones I put on myself."

"Zuala."

Yasha took a deep breath, released it, keenly aware of Beau's interested eyes on her. "I realized it would be a disservice to her, limiting myself instead of growing into who she would have loved to see me become."

Beau snorted. "My family would have loved to see me become a son, but that's not possible."

A very Beau-like thought: _fuck them_. Instead, she asked, "do their opinions mean so much to you?"

"They wouldn't but I kind of got it drilled into my head that theirs were most important before I even had a chance to form my own coherent thoughts." She shrugged. "They installed themselves as the only ones who had any expectations of me, and I've spent my life looking for anyone else worth pleasing more than them. Dairon came close, I guess, but that's…that's work. There's still an agenda."

"It was an agenda for your parents too."

"yeah but at least when Dairon wants me to be someone better it makes me more useful to you guys too."

"If you were not useful, you think Dairon would move on?" Beau lifted a shoulder. "That we would move on?"

Beau sighed. "I think you guys like me well enough. I just don't think it would be enough, you know, if I were dead weight. Like what's in it for you guys at that point? A socially stunted asshole? I wouldn't want me in a group."

"Ah."

Beau's brow furrowed, a telltale indication of walls braced to erupt around her. "What?"

"Nothing," Yasha said, smiling. "Just. Would you do me a favor?"

"Probably?" Beau squinted suspiciously.

"It will involve sex."

She just managed to keep from laughing as Beau's spine straightened in spite of her best efforts. "Definitely. Change your mind about hurting me a little?"

The steel behind the hopeful look tore at Yasha to see. She reached out to touch Beau's face gently. "I am not capable of harming you intentionally, Beau. Not right now, not for these reasons."

"I lost the plot. You said sex."

"Yes," Yasha said emphatically. "But the favor is that we do it on my terms."

"Anything you want," Beau said immediately.

"You won't even ask what that is?"

"I'm good at a lot of things. Whatever it is you want, I'm sure I can figure it out." Beau paused. "Does that mean you'd be willing to hurt me in general?"

Yasha curled her fingers so that her nails dragged down Beau' cheek with the lightest pressure -- a promise. "There will be time for that," she said as Beau shuddered. When those blue eyes fluttered closed, Yasha leaned forward and kissed her.

It was like a switch flipped. Beau rose to meet her immediately, hands automatically coming up to tangle in Yasha's hair and pull -- and gods, Yasha's vision hazed. Beau was a tornado, and the growl she pulled from Yasha came before she could stop herself. She felt Beau's smirk against her, _and fuck_ the temptation to give her exactly what she'd asked for was so strong. Yasha could hardly think through the want of it. Here was Beau, challenging, begging Yasha to take her down several pegs. The knowledge that she could wrestle Beau to the ground and take her and Beau would struggle just enough to make her work for it --

Yasha broke the kiss, panting hard. "I said we would do this another time, Beau."

Beau's grin was sharp and unrepentant. "I'm good at figuring out what people want."

"I want you to lie down," Yasha breathed.

Beau leaned up towards Yasha again, all teeth and desperation to crawl out of her own head. It was a recklessness Yasha recognized intimately, and it was not what Beau needed from her. Not tonight. Not the first time she'd allow herself the pleasure. Yasha placed a hand on Beau's chest and snaked the other around to pull her hair ribbon free. "I said lie down," she murmured into Beau's mouth, and then she forced her onto the ground with a thump that rattled Beau's teeth in her head.

Beau grinned up at her. "S'more like it."

Yasha ignored her and threw a leg over Beau's chest, pinning her firmly. She grabbed Beau's wrist and held her down as she moved to grapple Yasha, and she held her still until she stopped wriggling and stared up at her curiously, breathing hard. Yasha held up Beau's hair ribbon and looked from it to Beau's wrist in her hand.

Beau went very still, her chest heaving. Yasha brought the ribbon down to her wrist, giving her all the time in the world to protest, and then wound the fabric gently but firmly above her grip. "Thunder to stop," she said. Beau didn't reply; all of her senses were immediately laser focused on what Yasha was doing. She didn't tell Yasha to stop. Yasha bound Beau's other wrist just as slowly, and then pulled the strip through to secure them together, crossed over each other. Beau flexed her hands experimentally as Yasha rifled briefly through her bag for a length of rope, and then she hauled herself off of Beau's chest to loop it under the ribbon and affix it around the tree. Beau sucked in a deep breath and tested the bonds, nodding when they held. "I'm all yours," she said. Her smirk looked a little less sure of itself.

Yasha straddled Beau again with a knee against each of her hips and leaned down to kiss her. Again, Beau came at her fast and hard, and Yasha's hands reached up to hold her head still. She kissed Beau harder, overriding her completely and leaving no room for Beau to take over. After a brief struggle, she felt some of the fight go out of Beau. She broke the kiss, and the two women watched each other for a long moment, panting slightly. Yasha could taste a little blood on her lower lip.

"You gonna tell me what you want me to do?" Beau's eyes were hard but curious.

"So you can do the opposite?" Yasha guessed.

Beau grinned. "Depends."

Yasha traced an idle finger along the inside of Beau's bound arm, just above her head. Beau's breath hitched a little as her eyes followed its path. Her arm was tense, braced. "Look at me, Beau."

She complied, curious and wary. Yasha said nothing, but dragged her fingers up over Beau's ribs so that she had an a hand on each of her arms. When she reached Beau's bound wrists, she leaned forward again to kiss Beau hard. Her thumbs pressed against the insides of Beau's closed fists, and she rubbed small circles on the heels of her hands until finally, her fingers loosened and her arms slackened. Yasha laced their fingers together and pulled away. "Good girl," she whispered. Beau tensed, but Yasha dropped her lips to Beau's jaw and kissed her along it and Beau's body relaxed again almost immediately. She squirmed a little between Yasha's knees, and Yasha heard her breath hitch in her ear when she tightened her thighs and set her teeth on a spot under her ear.

Yasha sat up and drew her hands down to rest on either side of Beau's breast band. "You look beautiful just like this," she said honestly. Beau's gaze held hers for a long moment. When Yasha didn't look away, Beau's face made a complicated expression and her eyes shifted away. Yasha touched her cheek and tipped her head back to face her. "Don't look away," she said. She slid her thumbs inside Beau's breast band and traced along its hem as Beau did her best to keep her breathing even.

"I'm going to take this off now," she said. Beau nodded uncertainly, and Yasha paused with a hand over the strap she would need to start with. "Thunder if you need it," she reminded her.

"I'm not going to stop you undressing me, Yash." Her voice was steady, but it didn't match her eyes.

Yasha nodded. "Of course. But if you want me to slow down, you can say 'lightning.' Good?"

She knew it was by the way the muscles in Beau's shoulders relaxed just a fraction. "S'good," she said. "Something between all or nothing."

Yasha smiled fondly. "That's new for you."

"Shut up," Beau mumbled, but there was no heat behind it. Her eyes slid away again, and then back before Yasha said anything.

Yasha brushed a strand of hair from Beau's face. "Perfect, thank you," she said. "I want you to watch me while I look at you."

Beau's hands made fists over her head again, but she took a deep breath and relaxed them. She looked away again, and Yasha waited a moment. "Is this really what you want?" Beau whispered to the night. Her voice was rough. Yasha thought she almost sounded lost. "Just…me? Not doing anything for you?" She faced Yasha again, looking startlingly close to crying.

Yasha dragged a nail gently across Beau's stomach, watching the muscle tense and shudder as Beau breathed raggedly. "This is doing more for me than you know, Beauregard."

Beau exhaled a shaky laugh, reassured. "I don't know what it's doing to me but I don't think I want you to stop."

Yasha dropped a kiss to Beau's clavicle, and then dragged her tongue slowly to the other and bit down just enough to make Beau jump before looking up into her wide eyes. "When's the last time you let someone tell you how much they appreciate you?" She whispered. "The last time you didn't run away or punch them on the arm or set out to prove you weren't worth the trouble?"

A muscle in Beau's jaw flexed; Yasha traced it with her thumb and watched it relax again. "Don't need thanked for doing what I'm here for." Beau ground out. "Damn sure don't need pity." She met Yasha's gaze defiantly. Her fingers curled over her head.

Such a delicate boundary between Beau's heart and the world, it was no wonder she guarded it so fiercely.

"Well," Yasha said. "If you think I am doing any of this out of pity, keep watching." She slowly unwound the strap holding the framework of Beau's breastband and pulled it through its weave, taking care to brush her knuckle across the little patches of skin that showed through as often as possible. She dropped a kiss on the skin just above the top of it where the ropy, jagged piece of scar tissue trailed off and set to work on the other side until finally the front part came free. She pushed the straps out of the way and gasped softly at the sight of Beau unwrapped for her like a present. She saw Beau's throat move as she swallowed hard, watching her with what a palpable anxiety that Yasha could not quite comprehend.

The scar was better and worse than Yasha had expected. It gleamed white in the moonlight against the bronzed skin surrounding it, long and branched like a map of a river. Yasha's lips were shaky as she pressed them to the damp and prickling skin between Beau's breasts, at the heart of the scar. Her left hand came up to brush a thumb across the round, dark nipple she found below her jaw, and as she kissed the salty line of the scar she could see Beau's skin flush with goosebumps where her breath ghosted along with her lips. She looked up to find Beau watching her with a mix of awe and arousal and what looked a little like fear.

"Thank you for letting me see you, Beauregard," she whispered. Beau's nipple was stiff under her thumb; her hips twitched just a little under Yasha.

"Anytime," she said weakly. Yasha kissed a sloppy line from Beau's navel to the breast she had cupped in her hand, and when her lips sealed over the hard nub of it, Beau's head dropped and her back arched as a harsh rush of breath left her. Yasha let her squeeze her eyes shut for a moment before releasing Beau's soft breast and rising up to kiss her again. This time when Beau strained up against her, it felt less like she was fighting to get away and more like she couldn't get close enough. "You're amazing, Beau," Yasha murmured in her ear as she used her nails to scratch a light path down Beau's ribs to rest at the waistband of her pants, just inside Yasha's own thighs. Beau made a hoarse whimpering noise and forced herself to open her eyes and look at Yasha. "Good girl," Yasha soothed. "Watch me worship you." Beau made a helpless noise and breathed raggedly as Yasha pushed herself back along Beau's body and set to work exploring the expanse of skin from Beau's breast to the sash at her waist.

Yasha took her time, getting lost in the pattern of finding scars with her mouth on the path from Beau's throat to her navel, swiping gently over with her tongue or teeth. She pulled the sash around Beau's waist down a little with a hooked finger to chase a thin line an inch or so inside towards Beau's still-hidden hipbone. She worked her way back up, soft praises pressed into Beau's skin with every touch.

"Yasha," Beau whimpered from above, minutes or hours or years later, "please." When Yasha looked this time, there was no mistaking the glint of wetness in Beau's eyes. Yasha surged up and let her weight rest on Beau's bare torso to kiss her and wipe the unshed tears from her eyes.

"I've got you," she whispered between kisses. "I've got you, Beau. You're so beautiful, thank you for letting me show you."

"Please," Beau said again. Yasha pressed her forehead to Beau's and kissed her softly on her lips once more before backing up to sit between Beau's legs and undo her sash. She moved with surety but took care not to rush as she slid her hands down from Beau's stomach to her pants and pressed them gently down her hips. Beau bucked up to meet Yasha's lips as they immediately sought the smooth stripe of skin now exposed before her, and she paused only at Beau's whimper to pull everything the rest of the way off.

Finally, Beau was completely naked before her in the moonlight. Yasha thought her heart might have stopped. Her eyes drank in Beau's muscled thighs, the shadowed hollows that dipped and swelled at her hipbones as she breathed hard, and the thick thatch of dark hair that called to her right in the center, and oh gods -- Yasha could see the light shimmering on the arousal dampening the hair and dripping slowly into the grass.

She brushed an awestruck hand along the inside of Beau's thigh and felt her own breath halt as Beau reacted under her palm, hips juddering up against air. Yasha tore her eyes away and found Beau's eyes screwed up tight. Her face was as raw and vulnerable as Yasha had ever seen it, looking somehow younger in its need and terror.

Yasha paused. "Beau," she called softly, and once more before the intensity of Beau's expression loosened just a little and she seemed to return to the moment. Her eyes opened, and Yasha was already moving up to meet her as her gaze finally searched her out. "Hey," Yasha said gently. "Let's just sit here for a moment, okay?" She positioned herself carefully so that she was lying mostly on Beau, her upper half propped on her elbows to that she was face to face with her lover. "Breathe, Beau," she coaxed.

Beau sucked in a harsh breath, and it spilled shuddering back out a moment later. She tried another, her tears coming freely now. "M'sorry," she choked.

Yasha stroked her cheek with the back of her hand. "What are you sorry about?" she said incredulously. "You're amazing."

Beau sputtered a harsh laugh. "I'm like a little fuckin kid over here," she said. "Can't even keep it together over a few compliments and ruining this for you."

"That's a bit of a reach," Yasha replied as she threaded her hand in Beau's undone hair and stroked softly. Beau couldn't look at her, and Yasha didn't ask her to.

"I didn't say lightning," Beau said into Yasha's shoulder. Something in her voice sounded small and defiant, and Yasha frowned.

"Safewords are given with the trust that you will know when to use them," she admonished gently.

"I could take it," Beau sniffled. "Didn't want to stop you."

Oh, Beau. "Because you didn't want to disappoint me?" Beau didn't answer, which was answer enough. Yasha sighed and kissed Beau softly on the cheek. "You couldn't disappoint me. Don't you get it? Everything about you is a gift to me."

Beau blinked hard, still looking away. She was trembling, just a little. Yasha's heart turned to see it. Had she noticed in time? Gone too far? Her fingers shook a little as she lightly traced the short, bristly hair just above Beau's ear. "Damaged goods don't make good gifts," Beau said quietly. 

Yasha heard the raw ache in Beau's voice, and behind that, the flat affect of repetition. "Those aren't your words, Beau," she said. "Someone taught those to you. Awful, sad people who never saw you. Just who they wanted you to be." Beau's lips pressed together and she took a deep inhale through her nose. "I don't think I would want to be with the version of you they wanted," Yasha pressed gently. "Not if it was anything like them, and it probably was."

Beau turned towards her just a little, looking at Yasha's temple if not quite her eyes.

Yasha spoke as honestly as she knew how. "I would not have set the world on fire to bring back any version of you that someone like your father held in high esteem," she said slowly. "But I would not have hesitated to do it for you. None of us would have." Beau finally looked at her. Yasha touched her brow. "Gifts don't choose who they're meant for, Beau. But you are meant for me."

Beau's chest heaved for several moments before she spoke. "Untie me." Yasha buried the rush of disappointment before it made it to her face and nodded. She'd said all she could and meant every word of it. Every moment tonight had been a gift. Beau had let her see her. That was enough for her, more than she thought was allowed. So much of this had been more than she would have dared dream. She reached for the knot holding Beau's wrists together and jumped at Beau's voice piping up again. "Not that one." Yasha blinked down at her. Beau smiled a little at the expression. "Just the one to the tree," she clarified. Yasha scrambled to pull it free, confusion and hope rising in her in equal measure.

She tossed the rope when it was undone and hovered a little as Beau sat up and rolled her shoulders and neck before looking for a long moment at her bound wrists. Yasha searched her face for a sign of what she might be thinking. Beau sniffed hard, and her eyes met Yasha's. "Will you hold me?"

Yasha thought her chest might burst. "Of course," she said. "Come here." She tugged Beau into her lap and shifted them so that her back was against the tree. Beau lifted her bound arms so that they rested around Yasha's neck and curled into her.

For a long moment, they just sat quietly in the warm, bright night and listened to the water below and the distant sounds of the insects. And if she could stay right here, the world gone quiet and Beau trusting and pliant and raw for her, leaning on her, hers...she could exist here in this moment forever. They passed several minutes this way until finally, Yasha wondered idly if Beau had fallen asleep. She didn't dare move and break the spell to find out. Her arm might cramp if they fell asleep like this. That was fine.

Finally, Beau stirred and placed a kiss on Yasha's jaw. When Yasha looked down at her, she kissed her lips. There was none of the earlier urgency; this kiss was slow and yielding and savored. "You really want me then," she said when they finally pulled apart. "Because I'm fairly non-transferrable where it counts."

"You have no idea how much I want you," Yasha said seriously. "But I'll take as long as you need to explain it over and over again."

Beau smirked. "I'm a fast learner."

"I'm a slow teacher."

Beau laughed at that, a relieved and giddy sound. "It'll be a nice change," she assured.

"And I'll be glad to hold you down and repeat it when necessary."

Beau leaned into her neck and smiled up at her. "I'll count on it," she said, then frowned a little. "Speaking of which…" she wiggled a little in Yasha's lap.

Yasha smiled and kissed her eagerly. "I was hoping you'd humor me," she said when they came up for air. She slid a hand from the inside of Beau's knee to her slick cunt and leaned forward again to catch the gasp as it wrenched from Beau's mouth. Their time at rest had done nothing to lessen Beau's arousal, and Yasha gloried in the rough inhale as her calloused fingers pressed up against Beau's entrance.

"Mmph," Beau said emphatically, spreading her thighs open wide and grinding down hard on Yasha's big fingers as they found purchase. They both groaned when Yasha slipped one inside her with ease, joined soon after by a second.

It felt perfunctory, after everything, but Yasha was more than happy to finish what she started and Beau didn't need much. Yasha's chest swelled with affection when Beau's arms locked around her neck and her head fell back with a ragged, wordless cry. Yasha worked her through the aftershocks, murmuring sweetly into her ear as she came back down and went limp against Yasha's chest, eyes glazed and breathing hard.

"Okay?" Yasha asked.

If Beau heard her voice shake a little, she didn't let on. She rasped a laugh. "Are you fuckin kidding me? I'm great." Yasha reached up with one hand and gently pulled Beau's hair ribbon back through its loops until her wrists were free, and she didn't miss the flash of loss across Beau's face. She brought one of Beau's wrists gently to her lips and kissed the indention left behind.

"Soon," she promised, and returned Beau's reassured smile.

"What about you, Yash?" Beau asked a few moments later. "All of that was great, but I can…" she gestured, and Yasha laughed quietly.

"I'm fine," she said, which was the understatement of a lifetime. "Absolutely turned on, don't mistake me, but this was always for you. It doesn't…do as much for me, I think. I like making you fall apart more." 

Beau squinted fuzzily at her. "Is that an always thing, or. I mean that's fine, just-"

"You'll get your turn," Yasha promised, quieting Beau with a thumb brushed across her swollen lips. "But don't worry about it right now." She paused. "Shouldn't we get you dressed again, at least a little?" Beau closed her eyes and wiggled closer.

"M'comfortable, Yash."

Yasha tapped the top of her head, smiling when Beau made another noise. "If the others come looking for us in the morning…?" she prompted.

Beau cracked open one eye, frowning. "Then if they're lucky they'll get to see this whole thing I've got going on, duh."

She had a point. Yasha knew if she came across such a scene, she'd count herself _extremely_ fortunate. But she couldn't resist. "You don't mind if Caleb sees you naked?"

Beau huffed and uncurled reluctantly. "Don't say it like that, geez, fine. Just gimme my pants. I'm not dealing with the other bullshit right now."

She knew Yasha was watching her as she got dressed -- it was evident in every exaggerated move, every gratuitous flex of her back muscles and arms…frankly, the exhibitionism was hot in a way Yasha hadn't really known to expect herself to enjoy. When Beau lifted a leg to finally put the damn things on, a bit of moonlight gleamed off the spatter of slick on the inside of her thigh and Yasha felt the memory sear into her mind. She had done that. That was her.

"Fuck, Beau," she whispered. Beau grinned over her shoulder as she tied off the sash and stretched luxuriously.

"Offer stands," she said.

An image flashed through Yasha's mind: Beau on her knees, looking up at Yasha from between her thighs. She took a deep breath and held out her arms. "Soon," she promised as Beau climbed back on her lap without much fuss.

"Tomorrow?" Beau's hopeful question was undercut by an immediate yawn, and Yasha smiled down at her as she settled herself against her chest, head against Yasha's collarbone.

"We'll see," she said, but Beau didn't answer. A moment later, she heard the telltale deep sigh Beau always made as she fell asleep. Typical, Yasha thought fondly. Just like a little kid -- get her to slow down, and out she goes. It was unreasonably adorable how Beau always sounded like she was slipping into a hot bath when she drifted off. A bath…that would be nice. A thought for later. Yasha's own eyes started to drift shut. She adjusted her arms around Beau's middle and rested her head on the soft brown hair still fallen loose and wavy from the ribbon.

Yasha didn't dream.

**Author's Note:**

> You ever shove something into the world/ao3 just so you'll stop fussing over it? Me neither.
> 
> I project heavily onto Yasha with the whole thing about getting more out of the trust someone gives you to let you take them apart than any particular physical thing they could do for you. I haven't steered fully into ace!Yasha territory but there's probably always going to be a glimmer, you know?


End file.
